My dad's twin brother is lying in a hospital bed dying of a cancer that wasn't diagnosed until just a month or so ago. Something unusual showed up during an eye exam of all things, and now liver cancer has consumed him. In the wake of my two visits to the hospital today, I have tried to wrap my brain around how someone could look so healthy for a 70+ year-old man at the Thanksgiving and then be so frail today.
While I have had friends experience the effects of cancer, I have never really seen it first-hand until today. My summary of it is that it sucks. It is an evil beast and needs to be eradicated from this world. To see my aunt caring for a grown man as if he were a child is just wrong. Cancer is a beast that doesn't just steal life from our grasp, but it adds insult to injury in addition to all of the pain and suffering.
We lost my father 25 years ago to a massive heart attack. The doctor told us that he was probably dead before he even hit the floor. I was just 16. My sister was 12. My stay-at-home mom became a widow at 41. It was instantaneous. I used to think of how unfair it was to lose Daddy like that - no chance to say good-bye and all that. Seeing the drawn-out suffering that my aunt and cousins are facing has made me see that the opportunity to say good-bye isn't any better. Either way, it sucks.
I can look back and be grateful that Daddy didn't have to endure the suffering that his brother is facing. As I've gotten older, I feel that it's not all that important whether I say get to say good-bye. I know that when it's my turn to meet my maker, the joy of hearing Daddy and my Heavenly Father say, "Welcome home," will far outshine any moments I can have on this side of Heaven.
Tonight I lift up prayers of thanks that my uncle has made his peace with God and claims Jesus Christ as his savior. I pray that they can make him comfortable and relieve him of his pain during this time. I pray for comfort for my family. I give thanks for knowing that my dad is getting the fishing gear ready to welcome his twin and fishing/hunting/mischief-making partner home. I can't help but wonder if God may change his mind about having the two of them together up there and that brings a big ol' smile to my face on this bittersweet night.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Sunday, September 11, 2011
I Shall Never Forget
Ten years ago I was driving to work when the news of the first plane hitting the World Trade center broke on the radio. As I looked to my left, I caught a glimpse of a huge American flag blowing in the breeze up against a bright blue, cloudless sky. The timing of that moment of where I was when I heard the news has always given me chills.
The feelings of learning that the attacks were orchestrated by men who wanted to destroy Americans and everything about us because they deem us to be "infidels" were so foreign to me. As a member of Generation X, I vividly recall what it was like living in fear of the Soviet Union and mutually assured nuclear destruction. We knew who our enemy was - the Russians. How do you identify your enemy when their declaration of war is based on a religious belief from an offshoot of the world's largest religion and spans throughout every country in the world? This event launched an unprecedented situation where the world's largest superpower waged war on a group of people - a faction of a religion, rather than a nation. While the US did not wage a war on the religion of Islam, the targets are all Islamic and they want me dead because I'm not. They sought to kill us, destroy us, and shake our faith.
Fast-forward ten years and I'm a mom to two amazing children. On a beautiful Sunday morning with a sky and the weather so eerily like that of Tuesday, September 11, 2001, my oldest child received her Bible from our church. As I remember the loss, the fear, and everything else that is a part of the story of 9/11, I celebrate my child taking a huge step in her walk with Christianity. While we lost so much and so many on 9/11, the enemy did not succeed. They seriously underestimated the fortitude of the American people. If being a God-fearing American makes me an infidel, I shall wear that label with pride and I will teach my children to do the same.
Tonight I pray for God to protect our troops still in harm's way as they continue seek to stop the terrorists. I pray for the families of those who were killed on 9/11. I give thanks for those on-board Flight 93 who sacrificed themselves to save countless more. I give thanks and pray for first-responders everywhere. They are a special group of people who were often unsung heroes until 9/11 thrust them into the spotlight. I pray for our nation's leaders that they might do the right thing as we continue this war on terror. I pray for the hearts of those who choose hate to be softened and that God's love may find it's way to their souls. I pray that I can follow the words of my pastor this morning and find forgiveness. I pray that no nation ever sees another day like 9/11. I give thanks for the children who received their Bibles this morning on this anniversary of something so tragic.
May God bless America and may we never forget, for those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Once was one time too many.
The feelings of learning that the attacks were orchestrated by men who wanted to destroy Americans and everything about us because they deem us to be "infidels" were so foreign to me. As a member of Generation X, I vividly recall what it was like living in fear of the Soviet Union and mutually assured nuclear destruction. We knew who our enemy was - the Russians. How do you identify your enemy when their declaration of war is based on a religious belief from an offshoot of the world's largest religion and spans throughout every country in the world? This event launched an unprecedented situation where the world's largest superpower waged war on a group of people - a faction of a religion, rather than a nation. While the US did not wage a war on the religion of Islam, the targets are all Islamic and they want me dead because I'm not. They sought to kill us, destroy us, and shake our faith.
Fast-forward ten years and I'm a mom to two amazing children. On a beautiful Sunday morning with a sky and the weather so eerily like that of Tuesday, September 11, 2001, my oldest child received her Bible from our church. As I remember the loss, the fear, and everything else that is a part of the story of 9/11, I celebrate my child taking a huge step in her walk with Christianity. While we lost so much and so many on 9/11, the enemy did not succeed. They seriously underestimated the fortitude of the American people. If being a God-fearing American makes me an infidel, I shall wear that label with pride and I will teach my children to do the same.
Tonight I pray for God to protect our troops still in harm's way as they continue seek to stop the terrorists. I pray for the families of those who were killed on 9/11. I give thanks for those on-board Flight 93 who sacrificed themselves to save countless more. I give thanks and pray for first-responders everywhere. They are a special group of people who were often unsung heroes until 9/11 thrust them into the spotlight. I pray for our nation's leaders that they might do the right thing as we continue this war on terror. I pray for the hearts of those who choose hate to be softened and that God's love may find it's way to their souls. I pray that I can follow the words of my pastor this morning and find forgiveness. I pray that no nation ever sees another day like 9/11. I give thanks for the children who received their Bibles this morning on this anniversary of something so tragic.
May God bless America and may we never forget, for those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Once was one time too many.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Praying, Pride, and Giving Thanks
As I type this post, a sorority sister of mine is in an operating room having a two-inch tumor removed from her colon. I am praying that the Lord blesses her surgical team with steady and sure eyes and hands and that they can remove all of the cancer from her body. I pray that she makes it through with no complications and that they can cure her of this horrible disease. I pray for her husband as he stays strong for her and their three children. I pray that God holds those babies close and takes away any fear that they may have over their mommy being sick.
Last night I had this friend's CaringBridge page opened and noticed that I had another friend's CaringBridge page open as well. When I think of all of the friends and family who have a CaringBridge site for one illness or another, I feel overwhelmed with grief for their suffering. I also feel humbled to be so fortunate to have everyone in my household be in such good health. I also feel humbled by the opportunity to intercede for them and lift them up in prayer. We are such stubborn creatures and want to prove to everyone that we can take care of ourselves and our own. Our society has taught us that it is a weakness to ask for help and our prideful nature holds us to that misconception.
Today I am thankful that my friend's doctors found this tumor early and that it has not spread. I am thankful that she lives in an area with amazing healthcare facilities. I am thankful for the opportunity to lift her up in prayer. I am thankful to live in a country where I am free to exercise my faith openly and without the fear of persecution. I am thankful for the amazing example of faith that my friend is setting for those who know her as she endures this major pothole on her path. I am thankful for the wonderful Bible study that I am a part of in my church and the study that we are doing on attitudes. I am thankful for my health, my family, and the fact that each and every day is a gift from God.
Last night I had this friend's CaringBridge page opened and noticed that I had another friend's CaringBridge page open as well. When I think of all of the friends and family who have a CaringBridge site for one illness or another, I feel overwhelmed with grief for their suffering. I also feel humbled to be so fortunate to have everyone in my household be in such good health. I also feel humbled by the opportunity to intercede for them and lift them up in prayer. We are such stubborn creatures and want to prove to everyone that we can take care of ourselves and our own. Our society has taught us that it is a weakness to ask for help and our prideful nature holds us to that misconception.
Today I am thankful that my friend's doctors found this tumor early and that it has not spread. I am thankful that she lives in an area with amazing healthcare facilities. I am thankful for the opportunity to lift her up in prayer. I am thankful to live in a country where I am free to exercise my faith openly and without the fear of persecution. I am thankful for the amazing example of faith that my friend is setting for those who know her as she endures this major pothole on her path. I am thankful for the wonderful Bible study that I am a part of in my church and the study that we are doing on attitudes. I am thankful for my health, my family, and the fact that each and every day is a gift from God.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Hard-Headed Children
I got to spend my Saturday night with a kiddo in the local ER after she hit her head in the shower. Once I got my husband upstairs to help with her bloody nose, I did a quick Google search to find out what it meant when someone had a nosebleed after hitting their head (not their nose). Site after site advised to seek medical attention for a possible skull fracture. So, I slip into scary-calm, mommy mode and load her up into the car with her security blanket and favorite toy for a trip to the ER.
We arrived to a nearly-empty waiting room and were back in a room within 25 minutes of arrival. They quickly assessed her and ordered a CT - head, face, and c-spine to rule out concussion, fracture, and any other potential damage. Thankfully, everything came back just fine and we just have a really big goose egg on the forehead.
Before going back for the CT, the nurse advised us of the scan producing large amounts of radiation and the risks associated with it. This is actually my child's second head CT in her short life. She fell off of a 3-feet high retaining wall and hit her head on concrete three years ago. While I'm not crazy about the risk of the radiation, the risk of her slipping into an unconscious state and never waking outweighs the risk of the scan infinitely. It's not a chance I'm willing to take.
Tonight I am giving thanks to God for keeping my baby safe and praying that the radiation exposure from the scan will have no long-term effects on her. I am thankful to live in a community with such a great local hospital. I am thankful for insurance. I am thankful for my child's (apparently) extremely hard head. :-)
We arrived to a nearly-empty waiting room and were back in a room within 25 minutes of arrival. They quickly assessed her and ordered a CT - head, face, and c-spine to rule out concussion, fracture, and any other potential damage. Thankfully, everything came back just fine and we just have a really big goose egg on the forehead.
Before going back for the CT, the nurse advised us of the scan producing large amounts of radiation and the risks associated with it. This is actually my child's second head CT in her short life. She fell off of a 3-feet high retaining wall and hit her head on concrete three years ago. While I'm not crazy about the risk of the radiation, the risk of her slipping into an unconscious state and never waking outweighs the risk of the scan infinitely. It's not a chance I'm willing to take.
Tonight I am giving thanks to God for keeping my baby safe and praying that the radiation exposure from the scan will have no long-term effects on her. I am thankful to live in a community with such a great local hospital. I am thankful for insurance. I am thankful for my child's (apparently) extremely hard head. :-)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Just Say No (To Your Kids)
I saw a news story out of Memphis tonight about a student who set out to kill his principal because she didn't put him in a class that he wanted. Police reports say that the boy planned out the murder all during summer break. Out of curiosity, I Googled the most dangerous jobs in America and looked through the Forbes list of the top 10. It came as no surprise that nowhere in the list were educators or school administrators included, but is this instance just the tip of the iceberg for a trend of a generation raised by over-indulgent parents? In a society where kids are rewarded with trophies for simply being on a team, everyone afraid to ever hurt someone's self-esteem or offend someone by being politically incorrect, what else do we have to look forward to in the news?
While I don't have any factual basis for my opinions, this kid's behavior just screams of being overly indulged. I can't help but think that this kid was a product of this generation and things might not have turned out so sadly if his parents had told him "no" a little more often in his life.
So, where do I find the blessing in all of this? It's certainly not in the death of the school administrator. It's certainly not in the fact that there will be another prisoner/violent offender that will be sucking up my tax dollars. I feel that the blessing is that it reminds me that I have an obligation to not indulge my children's every whim even if it breaks my heart or theirs to do it. They need to know how to handle rejection, failure, and disappointment in life. I would be failing them and society if I do not tell them "no" every now and then, because someone will inevitably say it to them at some point and they need to be ready for it.
While I don't have any factual basis for my opinions, this kid's behavior just screams of being overly indulged. I can't help but think that this kid was a product of this generation and things might not have turned out so sadly if his parents had told him "no" a little more often in his life.
So, where do I find the blessing in all of this? It's certainly not in the death of the school administrator. It's certainly not in the fact that there will be another prisoner/violent offender that will be sucking up my tax dollars. I feel that the blessing is that it reminds me that I have an obligation to not indulge my children's every whim even if it breaks my heart or theirs to do it. They need to know how to handle rejection, failure, and disappointment in life. I would be failing them and society if I do not tell them "no" every now and then, because someone will inevitably say it to them at some point and they need to be ready for it.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Happy Anniversary!
Today marks 14 years of wedded bliss with my husband. We were set up on a blind date by some meddlesome friends at the beginning of the spring semester almost 20 years ago. In true grown-up fashion, we celebrated the evening with the annual "Meet the Teacher" night at our kids' school. He dozed off on the couch and I caught up on my shows in the DVR while he snored next to me.
While it may not be the most romantic way to spend the day that marks our union as husband and wife, we did it as a family and that's all that really counts in my book.
While it may not be the most romantic way to spend the day that marks our union as husband and wife, we did it as a family and that's all that really counts in my book.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Fire Drills
Today my youngest kiddo got herself all worked up over the fear of our house catching fire. We went through this a couple of years ago with the oldest one, but it wasn't like this. Kiddo ended up packing all of the favored stuffed animals into a backpack and wore it around the house to keep everything with her in case she had to make an escape. There was a lot of convincing to tell her that she couldn't sleep with it on. So...the backpack is sitting next to the bed tonight in case of an emergency.
I remember being afraid of things like that when I was a kid. I was so afraid that something would happen to me and that I wouldn't be there to play with my toys and they would be sad. I can remember many sleepless nights worrying about such things.
It breaks my heart to see my baby carrying so much anxiety and fear over something that she can't control. I tell her to give it over to God, but she still seems absolutely gripped by her fear. I pray that this will just be another phase in the drama-filled world of raising kids and that it will soon pass.
In the meanwhile, I give thanks for my healthy children who are generally very happy when not worrying about things they can't control.
I remember being afraid of things like that when I was a kid. I was so afraid that something would happen to me and that I wouldn't be there to play with my toys and they would be sad. I can remember many sleepless nights worrying about such things.
It breaks my heart to see my baby carrying so much anxiety and fear over something that she can't control. I tell her to give it over to God, but she still seems absolutely gripped by her fear. I pray that this will just be another phase in the drama-filled world of raising kids and that it will soon pass.
In the meanwhile, I give thanks for my healthy children who are generally very happy when not worrying about things they can't control.
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